I am late!

On our way to a party, she thinks we are late. She says angrily,"If I miss ONE minute of that party, I am going to freeze!" (she meant to say 'freak')

I remember everything I learned in Kindergarten

"I remember everything I learned in Kindergarten. We learned about whales, penguins and sex!" After I dropped my coffee I realized she was saying insects.

Righteousness

"Righteousness is when you do right, Wrongteousness is when you do wrong."